i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
