i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
