woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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