i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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