I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
