You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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