So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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