No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
