can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
