DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
honey bunches of taint.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
