I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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