My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
false alarm. still invincible.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
