Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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