I have demons in me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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