I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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