You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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