Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Mom said you looked used
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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