we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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