remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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