you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
