my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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