Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
