Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
