I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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