he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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