I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize