I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
