Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
