Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He kissed a someone with a penis
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
