I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
