I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
they need to just BURY HIM!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
