atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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