butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
