I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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