I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
