I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
