That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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