I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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