real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
