i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
