Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
