Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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