I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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