I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
