he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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