doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
