Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
