I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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