So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
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You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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