And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
