Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
