i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
