I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
