Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
