just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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