that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
