I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
