he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we're so committed to being not committed
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