brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Holy shit dude........stairs
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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