Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
