You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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