we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
