So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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