it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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