dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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