Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
