in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
