Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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