and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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