Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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