somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
