There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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