Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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