Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
