great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
