I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
