We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
