That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
