alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm both gender and math confused
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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