Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
