This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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