I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
