You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
