Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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