you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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